Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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