Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize