This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
