weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love you.
Bad choice
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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