Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
