your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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