I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize