If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
