I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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