This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
