Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
there is puke in my bra ... again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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