you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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