$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
