i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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