How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This house was built for laser tag.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
