so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize