Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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