I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize