take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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