Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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