whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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