hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
