I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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