May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
