ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
