apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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