I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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