More tranny stories later!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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