so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
