I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
