I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
