i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
