Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Green mimosas i think yes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
