is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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