I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
