i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
