I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
