I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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