i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
