Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
