It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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