got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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