can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
