not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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