In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
