I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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