worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
