I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
