I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize