If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
