Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize