Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
