I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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