We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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