My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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