you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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