Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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