before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
