Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
