I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
