Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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