I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
