when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
