This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
