im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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