I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
