when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
