I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
