This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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