I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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