Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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