she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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