Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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