Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
