Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
