Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
