I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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